Wednesday, October 20, 2010
It's still BullBlog!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Brave Girl Eating, take 3!
After my last post, I was unsure of how people (of the maybe three readers I have) would react. Luckily no one has yet. I just read another chapter, and in the midst of it (I can't pinpoint exactly when), I realized I was still reading as a student, rather than as a future teacher. It's hard to approach literature from such different angles! I have to consider that my students someday will only be a few years younger than I am now, as I'm studying to educate them. It blows my mind. So, as I was reading this chapter, Harriet Brown explained a small blip in her family's journey, when Kitty (her anorexic daughter) wanted to return to gymnastics, after seven weeks of recovery and re-feeding. As I mentioned, I did gymnastics for twelve years, and it contributed to my not-so-healthy eating habits. The emphasis on the body (especially in leotards) contributed to Harriet's decision to not let Kitty participate in the high school gymnastics team. Kitty lashed out, saying, "You want to take away the only thing I care about!" This is precisely how I felt when my mother pulled me out of gymnastics when I was 14. Like I said in my last post, I identified myself as a gymnast. First and foremost, I was a gymnast. Being pulled out is one of the hardest things I have ever dealt with. It may sound crazy, but when something dominates your life so much, and you are so dedicated to it, cutting it out of your life cold-turkey has devastating effects. I remember being so upset any time I looked at the clock and realized that gymnastics practice was being held at that moment and I wasn't there. I walked around in a daze, without a purpose for weeks and weeks on end. I think it was longer than that. You may think me petty to hold such a grudge against my mother for withdrawing me from an extra-curricular, but to this day, I don't know if I can honestly say I ever forgave her. It's too late to re-enroll- I'm way past my peak, but I still think about it all the time. What if I had continued? Where would I be now? Gymnastics was such an integral part of my life, that to ask myself those questions doesn't seem silly to me at all, but totally and completely valid. As I was saying- I've been reading as a student, but in my sudden realization of this, I tried to think as a teacher. While I think it would be dangerous to read this book in a high school setting (unleashing its horrors on impressionable teenage girls (and boys)), I think the way people identify themselves is an important theme in this book. While Kitty identified herself as a gymnast, students in her school identified her only as "an anorexic." Similarly, her doctors viewed her as a patient, and her friends as "recovering." Harriet's desperately tries to make it clear that her daughter, while all of those things, is none of those things. She is so much more. Only one and one's family can truly identify the parts that contribute to a person, and can recognize that the sum of the parts does not equal the whole. I think, if introduced to a high school classroom, that topic could be extensively explored in an introductory essay. Ask a student how they identify themselves. In one word. In one sentence... and then to explain that only knowing those things does not allow a person to know you completely, or even close to that. In all honesty, I think people enjoy writing and speaking about themselves. What does anyone know better, besides their own person and personality? This mentality allows for countless direction for one to take one's paper in (assuming I assign something like this one day, which I'd like to), and when someone knows their topic, inside and out, they generally take a passionate approach to it. I foresee good results!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Brave Girl Eating, take 2.
It's taken me a while to post again on this book, but rest assured, I have been reading diligently :)
Mainly, I've been reading further, and waiting to post, because I needed time to organize my thoughts about the book. Only today, I realized how powerful Brown's writing is. I have said before that every time I opened my digital library (!) to read this, I inevitable ended up crying. However, that's not what made me realize the effect this book was having on me. I know we're supposed to write about this books, but I feel this is relevant, but be warned, it's serious. As I said in a previous post, Brown specifically avoids listing weights and measurements because she does not want the book to be used as a form of thinspiration, which if it's not clear, is something people with eating disorders use as motivation to continue losing weight. It often is a collection of pictures of unbelievable thin girls, sometimes compared to people who are extremely overweight, implying that if the person with the eating disorder does eat, they will become fat and disgusting. There are also quotes about not needing food, how hunger is a weakness, and a common one: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." So, while Harriet Brown was trying to avoid giving those with eating disorders any more motivation, the story alone forces her to spread the word of anorexia, which to many people feeling the pressures of media and family and those around them, doesn't always seem like a bad, outrageous thing. Now for my part. I have been active my entire life. I was a competitive gymnast for twelve years, I've danced for more than ten years, as well as playing soccer for school and recreational leagues. Gymnastics was my main sport. It was how I identified myself. First and foremost, I was a gymnast. It was not unheard of for gymnasts to make themselves throw up before a practice with the head coach, and it was definitely not uncommon for gymnasts to throw up before meets. The pressure to be small was overwhelming. All gymnasts know that if you are too tall, you cannot participate in competition. The apparatuses are not designed for "big" girls, "big" being around 5'6". Short, thin gymnasts were always more successful. Because I did gymnastics for so long, I was stuck with the stereotypical body of a gymnast, short, no hips, strong quads, and broad shoulders. When I began dancing more seriously, I felt the pressures of my ballet coach to lose weight. If I didn't, my coach said, "How will you partner lift you?" I was 5'2" and 100 pounds, underweight by ten pounds according to my doctor. The pressure didn't end with my extracurricular activities. My mother has always been fit, but I know there have been times in her life when she has cracked under the pressure to be skinny. My grandmother, perhaps not knowing the weight of her words, has mentioned my mother's weight in negative ways, asking if she's changed her eating habits, been less active, etc. My mother herself has told me that she struggled in college- not to maintain normal body weight- but to want to maintain a normal body weight. She was a physical therapy major, taking ballet classes everyday of the week, so she knew what her body could handle and what it could not, and at 5'5", she weighed about 111 pounds. That isn't severe, but she should have been about 15 pounds heavier, to be in a healthy weight zone. She has told me that there were times when she knew what she was doing wasn't good for her, and although she put it vaguely (so as to not really confess her eating disorder), she made it clear that she was warning me to not let the same happen to me. This conversation happened after I had confided in one of her coworkers, who was giving me a ride home after school. I had mentioned not liking school food, and that at lunch, instead of getting food, I would just get a piece of gum. The taste was there, but the consumption was not. This was during my junior year of high school. I had entered tenth grade at about 120 pounds, and 5'3". Average. I felt though, that I had entered high school (our high school building began with 10th grade), as fat. After that, I went to extreme measures to lose weight, such as chewing gum instead of eating meals. When I entered 11th grade, I weighed 95 pounds. I was ecstatic that I was back down to double digits.
Reading Brave Girl Eating has brought back so many of these familiar feelings, of the desire to be small, and the ability to do it. I know I can, I have before, and it wouldn't be that difficult to do it again. Yesterday, it really hit me how serious this could be. I woke up late, sleeping in on Sunday like I normally do, til noon-ish. I ate an apple (approximately 80 calories)...and that was it. I spent the day reading Brave Girl Eating, which mentioned Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, a book about gymnasts and figure skaters that had dealt with eating disorders. I also found a blog called "Medusa" which I'm now following, and battles eating disorders. By 5pm, I felt like I was going to faint. I grabbed a handful of crackers and a water...which I promptly threw up. Then I drank more water...and threw up...and ate pretzels... and threw up. My stomach had never settled, and I couldn't keep anything down. I was shaky, dizzy and flushed. After one day of extreme food restriction, I was terrified that I would pass out. At the same time though, the voice in the back of my head was telling me, "Job well done." I looked up the normal, healthy calorie consumption for girls my size, weight, and activity level. I should be eating just over 1700 calories a day...I had eaten just 80. I remembered my best friend deal with anorexia, and on top of the sickness I had felt that day, I decided I am determined to not let this book let me slip into past habits.
My point of this post was not to ask for your pity, or look for attention, by any means. I was just astonished with how quickly and powerfully words pulled me back to old habits that I have been resisting for a while now. While I wish to be happy with my body, this story brings back painful memories, and empathy for anyone that has ever been in a similar position. I haven't finished it yet, but I would definitely recommend this book...however, read with caution. If you've ever considered extreme changes to your body, by extreme methods...know that this book may remind you of those feelings. I'm comfortable talking about it now, because I know I don't have the willpower to ever do anything drastic like Kitty, the main character of Brave Girl Eating. Also, this post speaks to the power of words, especially when they are in place to convey the actual experiences of the author.
Mainly, I've been reading further, and waiting to post, because I needed time to organize my thoughts about the book. Only today, I realized how powerful Brown's writing is. I have said before that every time I opened my digital library (!) to read this, I inevitable ended up crying. However, that's not what made me realize the effect this book was having on me. I know we're supposed to write about this books, but I feel this is relevant, but be warned, it's serious. As I said in a previous post, Brown specifically avoids listing weights and measurements because she does not want the book to be used as a form of thinspiration, which if it's not clear, is something people with eating disorders use as motivation to continue losing weight. It often is a collection of pictures of unbelievable thin girls, sometimes compared to people who are extremely overweight, implying that if the person with the eating disorder does eat, they will become fat and disgusting. There are also quotes about not needing food, how hunger is a weakness, and a common one: "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels." So, while Harriet Brown was trying to avoid giving those with eating disorders any more motivation, the story alone forces her to spread the word of anorexia, which to many people feeling the pressures of media and family and those around them, doesn't always seem like a bad, outrageous thing. Now for my part. I have been active my entire life. I was a competitive gymnast for twelve years, I've danced for more than ten years, as well as playing soccer for school and recreational leagues. Gymnastics was my main sport. It was how I identified myself. First and foremost, I was a gymnast. It was not unheard of for gymnasts to make themselves throw up before a practice with the head coach, and it was definitely not uncommon for gymnasts to throw up before meets. The pressure to be small was overwhelming. All gymnasts know that if you are too tall, you cannot participate in competition. The apparatuses are not designed for "big" girls, "big" being around 5'6". Short, thin gymnasts were always more successful. Because I did gymnastics for so long, I was stuck with the stereotypical body of a gymnast, short, no hips, strong quads, and broad shoulders. When I began dancing more seriously, I felt the pressures of my ballet coach to lose weight. If I didn't, my coach said, "How will you partner lift you?" I was 5'2" and 100 pounds, underweight by ten pounds according to my doctor. The pressure didn't end with my extracurricular activities. My mother has always been fit, but I know there have been times in her life when she has cracked under the pressure to be skinny. My grandmother, perhaps not knowing the weight of her words, has mentioned my mother's weight in negative ways, asking if she's changed her eating habits, been less active, etc. My mother herself has told me that she struggled in college- not to maintain normal body weight- but to want to maintain a normal body weight. She was a physical therapy major, taking ballet classes everyday of the week, so she knew what her body could handle and what it could not, and at 5'5", she weighed about 111 pounds. That isn't severe, but she should have been about 15 pounds heavier, to be in a healthy weight zone. She has told me that there were times when she knew what she was doing wasn't good for her, and although she put it vaguely (so as to not really confess her eating disorder), she made it clear that she was warning me to not let the same happen to me. This conversation happened after I had confided in one of her coworkers, who was giving me a ride home after school. I had mentioned not liking school food, and that at lunch, instead of getting food, I would just get a piece of gum. The taste was there, but the consumption was not. This was during my junior year of high school. I had entered tenth grade at about 120 pounds, and 5'3". Average. I felt though, that I had entered high school (our high school building began with 10th grade), as fat. After that, I went to extreme measures to lose weight, such as chewing gum instead of eating meals. When I entered 11th grade, I weighed 95 pounds. I was ecstatic that I was back down to double digits.
Reading Brave Girl Eating has brought back so many of these familiar feelings, of the desire to be small, and the ability to do it. I know I can, I have before, and it wouldn't be that difficult to do it again. Yesterday, it really hit me how serious this could be. I woke up late, sleeping in on Sunday like I normally do, til noon-ish. I ate an apple (approximately 80 calories)...and that was it. I spent the day reading Brave Girl Eating, which mentioned Little Girls in Pretty Boxes, a book about gymnasts and figure skaters that had dealt with eating disorders. I also found a blog called "Medusa" which I'm now following, and battles eating disorders. By 5pm, I felt like I was going to faint. I grabbed a handful of crackers and a water...which I promptly threw up. Then I drank more water...and threw up...and ate pretzels... and threw up. My stomach had never settled, and I couldn't keep anything down. I was shaky, dizzy and flushed. After one day of extreme food restriction, I was terrified that I would pass out. At the same time though, the voice in the back of my head was telling me, "Job well done." I looked up the normal, healthy calorie consumption for girls my size, weight, and activity level. I should be eating just over 1700 calories a day...I had eaten just 80. I remembered my best friend deal with anorexia, and on top of the sickness I had felt that day, I decided I am determined to not let this book let me slip into past habits.
My point of this post was not to ask for your pity, or look for attention, by any means. I was just astonished with how quickly and powerfully words pulled me back to old habits that I have been resisting for a while now. While I wish to be happy with my body, this story brings back painful memories, and empathy for anyone that has ever been in a similar position. I haven't finished it yet, but I would definitely recommend this book...however, read with caution. If you've ever considered extreme changes to your body, by extreme methods...know that this book may remind you of those feelings. I'm comfortable talking about it now, because I know I don't have the willpower to ever do anything drastic like Kitty, the main character of Brave Girl Eating. Also, this post speaks to the power of words, especially when they are in place to convey the actual experiences of the author.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
More from my hometown!
In my hastiness (and desire) to read Brave Girl Eating: A Family's Struggle with Anorexia, I didn't consider what genres I had to fulfill for Workshop. So, I went online (of course) to see if it was formally classified. I found out that along with the screewriter for The Social Network, Aaron Sorkin, whom I mentioned a few posts back, the author of Brave Girl Eating, Harriet Brown, is also and alumnus of Syracuse University. Syracuse.com posted an article about her story back in August.
I'm really impressed with the people that have come out of my hometown! However, I still don't know if this will contribute to further progress on my genre checklist!
I'm really impressed with the people that have come out of my hometown! However, I still don't know if this will contribute to further progress on my genre checklist!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Brave Girl Eating, take one.
I just started Brave Girl Eating yesterday. I finally felt that page-turning motivation that I haven't felt with IHTSBIH. I didn't realize that Brave Girl Eating is the true story of the author, Harriet Brown, and her daughter, Kitty Brown's long and arduous ordeal with anorexia nervosa. In the prologue to the book, Harriet Brown specifically states that she purposefully did not list specific weights, BMIs, etc. She understands the significant role that numbers play to anyone who has dealt with an eating disorder. Brown does not intend for the book to be "thinspiration." Her feelings towards her daughter's sickness, and the way it tore her family apart really spoke to my emotions. I found myself with tears in my eyes even before chapter one. I can't wait to get back to my digital reader and continue!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Tucker Max in my hometown!
I'm from Syracuse, NY, and live about ten minutes away from Syracuse University. This past Sunday, Tucker Max, author of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell, and it's sequel, Assholes Finish First, was at Syracuse University for a book signing! Here are a few links to the event, from Syracuse University's news site, 'The Daily Orange':
"Author Tucker Max brings quick wit to Follett's book signing"
And a video!
This is a link to the trailer for the MOVIE version of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
Also, in light of recent events regarding cyber bullying in virtual social areas such as Facebook, the screenwriter of 'The Social Network,' a movie based on the creation of and drama around Facebook, is an alumnus of Syracuse University. Here's a link to an article in 'The Daily Orange' about that! And here's the trailer. It came out in theatres last Friday, October 1st. The movie puts the creator of Facebook in a negative light, and in hopes of combatting that negative image, he has recently donated large sums of money to charity.
"Author Tucker Max brings quick wit to Follett's book signing"
And a video!
This is a link to the trailer for the MOVIE version of I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.
Also, in light of recent events regarding cyber bullying in virtual social areas such as Facebook, the screenwriter of 'The Social Network,' a movie based on the creation of and drama around Facebook, is an alumnus of Syracuse University. Here's a link to an article in 'The Daily Orange' about that! And here's the trailer. It came out in theatres last Friday, October 1st. The movie puts the creator of Facebook in a negative light, and in hopes of combatting that negative image, he has recently donated large sums of money to charity.
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